I am struggling today with the feeling of an inner urgency that is at odds with everything around me. I feel like my inner motor is running at a faster tempo than the world around me, and like being in slow moving water, in slow motion, I can only go at the speed in which the river flows despite my inner tempo. I am agitated. And the river is slow, slow, slow; it just keeps rolling along in no hurry to get anywhere.
When I have the ability to rest on top of the slow moving water and enjoy the view I am fine. But I can’t fight the inner nagging tempo that wants to get more done, to accomplish more, to make a bigger difference, to change things, to control my destiny, to accomplish with joyful urgency, to have more to point at definitively. I want to get further down the river.
I struggle with being content completely devoid of urgency. I am capable of more.